Christmas, Perhaps Means a Little Bit More!

Earlier this week I began to write my blog about the complexities of dealing with ambiguity and felt it an apt post for this time of year. December at school (or in life in general) is a time when the excitement of upcoming holidays is often coupled with a feeling of exhaustion due to a number of items still requiring focus and hard work right up until the end of the semester. 

Having said that, I came into to school yesterday and I knew immediately upon arrival that I needed to change my blog topic.

As I walked in I passed a clothesline of socks being hung with care by Vianney icon and pseudo St. Nick--Charlie Walsh.  The socks were to serve as encouragement to our student-body of the good they could do for others while simultaneously doing "damage" to their rival grade levels. 

Metaphorically, the socks represent a tradition at Vianney that has existed for more than 20 years thanks to the help of the Lettermen's Club, Charlie Walsh and Paul Rhame.  They represent an important part of our culture--bringing service, justice, and peace to those MOST in need during this holiday season--kids!  The beauty of the Vianney Toys for Tots Fundraiser is both in its simplicity and reciprocity.


Students compete by grade level, trying to raise more money then the other classes by donating change, often pockets and pockets, of change, in to empty snack barrels.

Coins counts against your class, paper money adds to your team total. The prize at the end....Bragging Rights! And a lesson that "No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted." 

Traditionally this Annual Vianney display of service for others has raised between $5k-$10k with all funds going to purchase toys for children who otherwise might not have as spirited a Christmas as most of our families. Children who our students never get to meet, faces they never get to see--our students' only solace is the satisfaction of helping those who could not help themselves this Christmas season.

The extra joy also comes from the Saturday morning shopping spree!  Teenage boys frequently become consumed with societal perceptions of what it means to "Be a Man" or at least an adolescent, high school boy.  Egos, attitudes, and selfish wants can become part of any teenage boys' persona, but not on that one Saturday morning.  For a couple of hours our Lettermen's Club will shop till they drop, racing up and down aisles, grabbing toys ranging from Monster Trucks and Tractors to Barbie Dolls, teddy bears, bicycles, and Play-Dough!  

Nearby shoppers will frequently remark how respectful our students are and how much joy and laughter they exude while shopping for other children. Stories of Christmases past and reminiscing about their favorite childhood toy usually occurs. Smiles will extend on their faces as they purchase make-up sets and princess play-sets, board games and basketballs.  So much fun will occur that at least for a few small moments our students almost forget they are shopping for others and the spirit of Christmas slowly fills their hearts!  As our students head to the checkout counters with cart after cart of Christmas toys it's in that moment when I often realize just as the Grinch once did that, "Christmas perhaps doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps... means a little bit more!"

All of this hit me hard this week and I am very thankful it did. It forced me to realize that I had let the busyness and complexities of work cloud the things that mean the most: the importance of assisting and supporting those who are less fortunate than us, the unique spirit of community in which we exist, and a genuine appreciation for the people with whom I am surrounded.

Suffice to say, this post is an opportunity for me to say thank you: to our staff, our students, our alumni, and families for believing in and supporting Vianney in so many ways.

I hope that everyone has a joyful Christmas Season. I wish everyone a Merry Christmas! Thank you for the many gifts you bring to our school, to our Vianney family, and to me on a daily basis!

Vulnerability--the key to connection, learning, and development

Strength, Determination, Reliability, Integrity, Courage, those characteristics, the biblical connection to the gospels of St. John and St. Mark, and the existing statues in Tower Grove Park inspired Vianney's 1st principal, Bro. Ken Nesbit to select the mythical creature as the school's mascot back in 1960.

It would be difficult to debate the selection or the merits of the Griffin. After all, upon walking across the stage at commencement and receiving their diploma, we hope all of our students have developed in to Men of Character and Accomplishment that can PROUDLY exhibit the Characteristics of the Griffin throughout their adult lives.

These characteristics identify the qualities that define the best version of the men our students strive to become. And while all honorable, and necessary, and valid, I cannot help but think sometimes about what NEW characteristic I would add to the existing traits.  

What word can encompass what we hope our students will eventually become?

The quality that I would suggest is as important as any other a Vianney Griffin could display: vulnerability.

I frequently hear parents say, “He’s a teenage boy, so he doesn’t tell me anything.” I’ll allow that, for many boys, this unwillingness to share details with adults – and parents in particular -- is an appropriate step in their burgeoning independence. They want to manage their own affairs, and high school  offers them an opportunity to begin to test their self-reliance. 

Too often, though, boys confuse communication with dependence. They want to solve their own anxieties and disappointments, and they clutch victories in private, lest they appear in need of external validation. They fear being judged as weak by asking for assistance from teachers or judged as inadequate by verbalizing their emotions to peers.

What some boys fail to see is that vulnerability underpins so many of those attributes they aspire to develop and that we hope the Griffin, and ultimately, they will possess. 

A recent report by Michael Reichert and Richard Hawley titled “For Whom the Boy Toils: The Primacy of Relationship in Learning” (2013) affirms the long-held view that a young man's learning is enhanced when he enjoys strong bonds with his instructors, coaches, and mentors. 

Our own anecdotal data tells us that those students most ready to achieve scholastic success at the high school and college level view their teachers as allies rather than as adversaries, but that perspective comes from trust, and that trust comes from one’s willingness to be vulnerable. 

In her 2010 TED talk on vulnerability, Dr. Brené Brown describes her own process of wanting to throttle all manner of weakness within herself, analyze it, figure it out, and then cast it aside. In essence, she conveys an adolescent boy’s approach to vulnerability: resist it and conquer it by force and sheer will.  She later acknowledges, though, the futility of such an approach: “In order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.”

We know that our young men benefit greatly from the relationships they build while at Vianney; the friends they make during their four years here will be their friends for the next 40 years and help them celebrate birthdays, marriages, babies, and career and personal milestones! 

Yet our task is to convince them to make the most of these relationships by showing their teachers and their peers who they really are, even if that identity is continually evolving. Vulnerability enhances connection, connection enhances learning, and learning enhances development.

Young men most readily see the power of vulnerability in the athletic arena, as sacrifice and faith in one’s teammates are cornerstones of a team’s success. Yet they need to embrace this vulnerability just as much, if not more, outside of the lines of play. 

Students must remember that those moments when a fellow student stands in Mass to share a personal reflection, at Kairos to discuss a struggle he has overcome, or in the offering of intentions during a class prayer are the ones that ennoble us as a community. 

Those brave young men allow themselves to be seen – in ways large and small – and they deserve not just our support but our courage to do the same as we develop them into 

Traveling to Rome with my smartphone & faith

In a few short days I will begin my exciting pilgrimage to Rome to participate in the Vatican’s  World Education Congress to discuss some of the more critical concerns in Catholic education. As part of these discussions, the Congregation aims to re-energize the Church’s commitment to education, by means of this World Congress.

The goals of the Congress are as follows:

• To offer schools and universities a place where they can dialogue and debate about the challenges that the “educational emergency” unavoidably provokes for our societies, educational systems and the Church;

• In light of ethical and religious principles, to draft a written analysis of the above-mentioned challenges and their repercussions for every field of education. 

• In light of the Magisterium, to examine in greater depth the ideas that education is proposing and developing about humanity and society;

• To formulate useful suggestions and guidelines;

• To draft a message that is meaningful, descriptive and challenging.

The Vatican has informed us that Pope Francis will be in attendance on the last day of the Congress and will offer his own words on education.
As I prepare for this journey there are a million thoughts and emotions that are running through my head and my heart. As a life-long (cradle Catholic) this is an adventure of a life-time! One that brings me great joy and one that I hope in many ways makes my family proud. 

I've struggle for weeks to try to articulate what this journey means to me and honestly, I've fallen short in finding the words. I'm hopeful that long airplane rides and time spent inside the walls of the Vatican will provide me words at a later time.

So instead, I'll use this blog as I often do, to share my thoughts in hopes that someone will read them....

With Open House recently concluding I remain so proud of all of our faculty, staff and students. The outpouring of emails, text messages, and tweets about our school and the character of our young men has been the prevailing theme this week! It has made me reflect more on our school community, the Vianney family, and what a gift Catholic education is for all of us!

I can't help but think of how fortunate our current, past and present students are to have been blessed with a tremendous gift: the gift of faith through Catholic education. But like any gift, it must be cared for and tended to.

I pray our students don’t put it on a shelf and treat it like an antique; something to be admired and appreciated but never used. My hope is that they don’t treat it like an old favorite toy; outgrown, forgotten and neglected in the bottom of the toy box. Hopefully they will treat this gift like most people treat their smartphones. 

You may have noticed most people take every spare moment to check out their smartphone(I know I do). They take it with them everywhere. When they need an answer to a question they look it up on their phone. When they need encouragement from their friend, they call or text on their phone. It is their constant source of comfort and assurance that they are connected to others and can access help.

Our faith should be like that too. We should take it with us everywhere. When we have a question about what to do with our life, we should turn to our faith and the Church. When we need comfort or assurance, we should turn to prayer. Our faith and trust in Jesus should be our constant source of comfort and connectedness.

As we all know too well, our smartphones will get outdated and we will have to replace it. 

We never have to replace our faith. Our faith comes with free upgrades (sacraments) and free weekly updates (Sunday Mass). Yes, we are committed to a lifetime contract, but there is no iPhone that continues service after you die.

If people (including myself--specifically myself) spent as much time in prayer as we do on our smartphone, imagine how much it could change the way we live and change the world!

Remember this each time you reach into your pocket and pull out your phone.

So as I head to Rome I will take my smartphone and my faith and hope that my connectedness is strong during my travels.

Life has MANY ways of testing a person's will

This has been a difficult week for all of us at St. John Vianney High School. One that has required a lot of personal reflection. One where our faith has been tested and needed.

I find that inspiration for my writing comes at different times and through a variety of channels, and this week was certainly no different.

As I reflected this week I have received many heartfelt and thoughtful emails, texts, and calls from the Vianney community and other area administrators and schools, offering words of encouragement and prayers. Please know your sympathy for our community this week has not only been appreciated, but helpful to us all.

I also came across a quote on Twitter that immediately spoke to me in a time when I needed something to speak to me the most. It read:

“Life has many ways of testing a person’s will, either by having nothing happen at all or by having everything happen at once.”
I quickly copied the quotation, as I knew I had found my inspiration for this week.

This week we lost one of our Vianney Griffins far too soon. As principal this required many

messages to families, faculty, and students. It required many answers, most of which I

learned I was ill-equipped to deliver.

Perhaps that's been the most frustrating. As a school leader we are often looked to "have the answers" or "fix the problem." Yet, the moment I learned on Saturday night that our student had passed, I knew I wouldn't have answers or a solution to the problem.

“Life has many ways of testing a person’s will”. This week has certainly done just that.

We had to do so many things this week that I had wished we’d never have to do in our school. Our principal’s council went to work throughout the night on Saturday and into Sunday evening to try to prepare to care for our kids who would, just like us adults, struggle and grieve and have a million questions we could not answer.

We began preparing prayer services, communion service, prayer cards, communication plans, counseling strategies and handling the many issues that I now understand come from a student’s passing. Expectations of work have never been an issue for me, but doing so with a heavy heart seems abstruse.

Yet in the darkness, I saw again what makes our community so amazing. I saw that even with heavyhearts and their own struggles and questions, our team would not let the passing of our student damper their compassion or their attention to detail, so I would like to record here my profound appreciation of Scott Brown, Michelle Steeg, Linda Sodemann, Rob Staggenborg, Kim Mohr, Father Tim Kenney, Mike Loyet, Terry Cochran and those who in your own small ways have been there every second of every day balancing the needs of our students when they needed us most.

I realized this week that it isn’t death in itself, however, that is tragic, even if it is always sad. As adults we are accustomed to announcing deaths, as we say goodbye to long-serving faculty or staff members or alums who have gone on before us to God’s heavily kingdom, mostly after full lives, and typically marked by as much joyous remembrance of their achievements and contributions to the world and their families as about regret at their passing. The Vianney Book of Remembrance similarly records the ending of lives, shorter or longer, among our family members and loved ones who we lift up in prayer.


We also have the pleasure of announcing happier events like births and marriages.

But it is a different and much sharper sadness when it is our young who are being mourned. While we can and should focus on the positive aspects of our brief interactions with a young soul now prematurely departed from this world, we are also deeply aware of the promise unfulfilled, of all the good that they might have done in the world. There is no getting around it: there is little more melancholic at a school, a place that normally glows with the incandescent energy of youth, than the early extinguishing of one of its candles.

So as we prepare to lay our student to rest and say our final good-byes on this earth, until we meet again, I’ve also thought about what I want for all of our students.

My prayer is that our young men leave Vianney for their next stage of life with a passion for all that they do, a curiosity that inspires learning, and the courage to step outside their comfort zones.

By courage I mean that I know that life never presents us with a straight path; that each one of us is faced with times when we find ourselves without an answer, without a direction or, alternatively, with too much coming at us at once and no clear sense of what to do next.

While being able to problem solve is a fundamental key to success, it is even more important to work to ensure confidence and courage during the uncomfortable stages prior to solving a problem or dealing with a dilemma.

“Life has many ways of testing a person’s will.

And I also hope and pray that our students and community will continue to watch out for each other, and if you yourself are having difficulties, don’t hesitate to talk to someone.

Vianney does love you; our faculty and staff, as well as your friends, are here to listen and help.

And though the road in life is never straight, by choosing our path, we choose our destination.

The Principal is NOT the bogeyman!

A bogeyman (also spelled bogieman, or boogeyman) is a mythical creature in many cultures used by adults to frighten children into compliant behavior. Parents may tell their children that if they misbehave, the bogeyman will get them. Bogeymen may target a specific mischief—for instance, a bogeyman that punishes children who suck their thumbs—or general misbehavior, depending on what purpose needs serving. – Wikipedia

With Halloween quickly approaching I thought it would be an appropriate time to address another

mythical creature often used to frighten children or students and even some teachers--the principal!  It also so happens that "The Nightmare Before Christmas" is one of my favorite movies and has a rather entertaining bogeyman in its cast of characters! 

I remember my own childhood ideas of the principal as pretty much the scariest person in the world!  The idea of going to the principal’s office was terrifying.  No one ever went there for a good reason.  You went to the principal’s office because you were in trouble… BIG TROUBLE! Stories even existed of the never seen but legendary “paddle”  I, of course, was NEVER SENT there, but I greatly feared it nonetheless.

I think this is the image of principal that many of us, including teachers, still perpetuate today.  As adults we know that most principals are actually pretty decent, kind, compassionate people.  What I think what many enjoy, however, is setting up the principal to be the bogeyman.  A threat often used to motivate kids is “If this happens again I will have to send you to the principal’s office.”  I’m okay with this to a certain extent, as long as the referring adult doesn’t really expect me to act like a monster. I mean I hope I treat our students like i treat the adults in the building, with respect.

When students do something wrong and are sent to see me, I do want them to feel remorseful about what they’ve done.  I will not accomplish this understanding of guilt by yelling or threatening.  Instead, I ask them to reflect on what they have done, consider the feelings of those effected, and to see how they have let down themselves and their parents.  When necessary and appropriate we will talk with their parents about an appropriate consequence.  This usually works, but it is far from the end of the process.

Before students leave my office I think it is important to affirm them and give them hope.  I usually try to

remind them that they are good, and that this has been a bad choice.  I like to remind them that my disappointment or the teacher's disappointment stems from how much promise we see in that young man.  This action does not define who they are.  Instead, I tell them, they will be defined by how they respond to the situation.  They can accept responsibility, apologize, make up for what they’ve done, and grow closer to others.

As an adult in a position of authority, I believe giving the offending student hope is absolutely necessary.  The image of a student leaving my office is not one in tears, but one of a students who has been remorseful and now has their chin up, firmly resolved to fix what they’ve broken.

So feel free to use a visit to my office as a threat, but don’t be disappointed if students leaving my office aren’t in tears.  It’s not that I’m being “too easy” on them, it’s all part of my goal to develop students into reflective, responsible, and respectful young men.

Also, feel free to stop by my office, because I typically keep treats like chocolate and other candy near by.

Happy Halloween!

Pope Francis--Trampling Expectations

In the Chronicles of Narnia C.S. Lewis continually reminds us that Aslan is “not a tame Lion”.  Aslan, who (spoiler alert) represents God in the series, is beyond the expectations and limitations of “civilized” society.  Whereas a typical king would conform to expectations, Aslan is unpredictable, powerful, and unrestrained.

I can see how God is like that, and I see how that is unfolding in the mission of Pope Francis.

The Pope's recent visit to the United States left me feeling hopeful and grateful that we have a transparent, spiritual leader in a time when our Church and our faith needs a "spiritual awakening," a jolt of enthusiasm and inspiration!  A fresh approach that remains true to our Catholic teachings and traditions.  As I followed his United States pilgrimage I enjoyed the exuberant welcomes, the outpouring of people, and the proof that our Faith is Alive and well!

I also watched intently at how the media covered much of the visit.  Often flipping from channel to channel and I observed that the media likes (loves) to slot people and movements into categories of “liberal” or “conservative”.  They do this because it makes writing easy.  You are either this way or that way.  It also sells advertising.  Viewers or readers like to choose sides i.e. are you a “liberal” CNN viewer or a “conservative” Fox News viewer.  

Putting people into these categories also creates division and debate free from the troubling difficulties of nuance or discernment.  Once you’ve chosen your side, there’s really no need to listen to the other side at all, expect maybe to ridicule their ideas. Once you choose a side there's also no reason to continue to grow, learn, and educate one's self on issues or topics.  You have "your side," "your rules," "your orders," personal growth and life-long learning stops.  The closed mindset begins.  

All of this of course is very troubling for educators who believe in the power of sustained, life-long learning.  Educators who believe that each experience changes us, helps us to improve and helps us to better our understanding of our own beliefs and a deeper appreciation for the belief of others. 

Pope Francis is putting the media in a difficult position.  He is merciful, kind, humble, and wise.  He loves children and the poor, judges no one, and admits he is a sinner.  At the same time he remains ardent in his defense of the unborn, the definition of marriage, and the role of the Church.  He is breaking down barriers that the media has erected and they are not quite sure what to do with him.  God has given us a leader who is not a tame Lion.”  Since he is not concerned with the “labels”, he runs roughshod over them.  He is trampling people’s expectations with unfettered love for God and others. 

So what does this mean for Vianney?  

We need to be more like Pope Francis; allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, humble, forgiving, and sharing our faith with the unfettered enthusiasm of a child. We need to let go of our fear and embrace a Christianity that goes beyond political correctness and inhibition.  What would this look like?  How would it change us?  How would it change our community?

We Get What We Expect

You don’t get what you want, you get what you expect. 

This phrase was shared with me several years ago at a beginning teacher's workshop.  In the workshop we were taught how to unlock the power of our imaginations to change how we see the world and ourselves. We learned how to seriously envision ourselves succeeding in this or that area of life. Once we had that picture in mind, we worked on using affirmative statements to reprogram our subconscious to help us achieve our vision.

I know it may sound like way out in left-field thinking (No, Coach Brown this is NOT a baseball post). Trust me, it’s not. Our imaginations are truly powerful and the evidence is all around us. Successful people, whether they do it consciously or unconsciously, use the power of their imaginations to achieve their success.

Think of some successful people you know. How do they talk about themselves? Rarely will you hear a successful person talk about how terrible they are or how they expect to fail. Successful people say things like “I can do that!” and “I can’t wait to make that happen!” By repeatedly affirming themselves both inwardly and outwardly, these people program their subconscious to find ways to make that dream a reality. They keep working, trying new ways to get things done, and never give up until they reach their goal.

On the other hand, think of some of the less successful people you know. How do they talk about themselves? Usually they have low self-esteem and low expectations. They say things like “I wish I could do that” or “That’s too hard” or “That’s too expensive.” Like the successful person, they are using their imaginations too, but in a negative way to affirm their lack of success. Their subconscious, thus programmed to fail, will find ways to make sure success never comes. They will give up, make excuses, and ignore opportunities until they fail.

In the case of both the successful and unsuccessful person they will get exactly what they expect.

Nowhere is this mentality of using the power of your imagination to unlock your potential more important than in education. Students need to envision themselves being successful. They need to have positive self-talk, both inwardly and outwardly. As with adults, imagining and affirming success will set students on a positive course in life.

Think of the teachers your son's have had over the years. Which ones made the biggest difference? I am willing to bet my career that the teachers who made the bigger difference in your son’s life were the ones who affirmed them and made them see how great they can be. Knowledge of content and good pedagogy are important, but are not necessarily life changing.  I was blessed to have several life-changing teachers in my life. I am blessed to work with many such teachers at Vianney. 

If we want to better our society then we truly must be the change we want to see in the world. We need to constantly lift up our students, reminding them frequently of their awesome potential! 

Reminding them that failure is merely a stepping stone to a greater success. This is not an excuse for laziness or to allow our students off the hook for adolescent mistakes, but it puts these behaviors in a different light. Ultimately we need them to understand the dignity and awesome plan God has in store for them on their path to becoming Men of Character & Accomplishment!