Dear Seniors (Part II):
8 days! In 8 short, simple, days your journey that began many years ago will commence at St. John Vianney High School. You leave here an abundantly talented group!
70 % of you will leave with a college scholarship to schools in the SEC, Mountain West, Big Ten, Missouri Valley, Atlantic 10 and all the lands and conferences in-between.
You are a talented, kind, considerate, and sometimes mischievous group that we as a community have molded into the young men we are proud to call Griffins! You are diverse. You are unique. And you are quite special to all of us!
In 8 Days I'll deliver my final address to you. I realize that in 8 days my time with you is limited, so these blogs are my attempt to leave you with a few more bits of advice.
In my life I was fortunate to have MANY strong principals from elementary, middle, and high school and have been blessed to be mentored and collaborate with some of the best leaders in the state and across the country. And so I would like to share the words I wish my own principal had said to me during my gradation from high school when I, like many of you, thought I already knew everything I needed to know.
I think my principal would have encouraged me to try everything in college & life. Yes, I mean everything. Try everything in sports. Try everything in school. Try every educational, extracurricular, or athletic opportunity I could. We adults want you to be safe but we also want you to explore. We do! Sometimes, it just scares us what you will find, but that’s doesn’t mean we don’t want you to keep looking.
It is incredibly important to take risks in your life. It’s also quite smart to have a safety net of support just in case something goes wrong. If you try and fail, I’m proud of you! If you just fail without trying, you’ve wasted an opportunity to learn where the world is your classroom. As Dave Elkind, a professor at Tufts University, once said “We learn through experience and we learn through bad experiences. Through failure, we learn how to cope.”
And parents, You need to show your sons that it is okay to take risks and it is okay to fail. It is not about perfection; if anything, we parents need to model our own imperfections so our children know that it is okay to try and not reach our goals on the first, second, third or even the millionth attempt. Try to discuss your own personal failures with your children. Let your children know that you have failed and that they too will fail. Let them know that this is okay.
I also hope my principal would have shared how to be a successful person in life and how to find “The Happy Zone.”
I believe they would have encouraged me, like I am advising each of you, to be nicer. To our teachers. To our parents. To everyone. And most importantly, to ourselves. I hope you know you are good enough just how you are right now. None of you need to be taller, faster, skinnier, or bigger. You are all exactly how you should be. I cannot stress enough the importance of self acceptance and self compassion. We are not defined by our successes nor our failures. Nobody is perfect, so please don’t compare yourselves to others. From the outside, the student sitting across the room from you in Mr. Sargent's English class may look like everything is great but don’t be fooled. Everyone has their own personal struggles. Some just may hide their worries better than others. I would like to encourage all of you to be honest and to support one another. Remember: nobody is perfect.
My former principal would have shared with me that everything from here on out will be a blur but that doesn't mean you have to spend your time taking pictures of these moments on a cell phone. Sometimes, your memory of the event is significantly more precious than one of the Instagram pictures you post for your six thousand followers. Just enjoy these days. Be in the moment. Help others have their moment.
My former principal would have encouraged me to laugh often and surround myself with people who lift my spirits and make me feel good about who I am. While you can never have too many friends, please make sure you have the right ones walking alongside you during your challenging days. a handful of freinds is far more valuable than a following on Facebook. And don’t forget these words from Maya Angelou: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
And I hope my former principal would have shared a story or at least an analogy.--I do like analogies!
I wish he would have shared that life is often like shooting two free-throws with the game tied and a second remaining on the clock, because in life, you will have free throws. You will be expected to perform and do something where you often won’t have the strength to make it happen. You’ll try and you may fail.
Occasionally you will have given your all, left all your sweat on the court, have barely enough energy left to lift your head, yet alone your arms to shoot free throws and you'll have to shoot anyway.
And sometimes, maybe often, you'll miss that first free-throw, you may flat out air ball it! In a moment when all eyes are on you. When the crowd is cheering with excitement and waiting for you to send the team to victory, you'll air-ball the first free throw! Everyone’s excitement for a special moment will quickly turn to fear!
They will watch your reaction to that air ball and and expect to see someone ready to crumble, to see someone ready to quit, and in that moment I hope they see you smile, maybe even laugh it off.
Because performing in life or "shooting free throws" isn't necessarily about making the free throw; it is the realization that there are so many other moments in the game, so many other opportunities and so many teammates along the way that got you to this moment. Every classmate. Every teacher. Your parents. The Vianney family.
I want you to be happy to have the opportunity to shoot a free throw.
I hope all of you have the chance to take your free throws one day. Don’t shy away from these opportunities. And even if you miss your first free throw, you just never know what can happen on your second shot. As we’ve seen, the ball may just bounce your way when you try again.
So don’t give up. Don’t let each other give up. Just don’t ever give up.
2016 graduates. Thank you for being a part of my life over the past four years and thank you for being a part of each other’s journey. You have each brought something very unique and special to St. John Vianney High School. You will be missed but we are quite excited to see where you lead next. We’ll be watching, ready to support you along the way. Congratulations!
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