Dear Lexi: A Note Before You Start Kindergarten

Dear Lexi:

In just six short days, you start kindergarten. It feels like I have been counting down to this moment since you were born: “Can you believe in three years she’ll go to school?” “Next year at this time she’ll be in school.” “Only two more months until school.” But now, in time that’s felt less like a marathon and more like a sprint, we’re buying markers and pencils, a Princess backpack, plaid jumpers and colored folders.

As with every other step along this parenting journey, friends, family, even complete strangers have offered opinions on how I’ll feel next week. I haven’t a clue how I'll feel, but I do know that when the door closes and I get that last glimpse of you for seven or eight hours, you’ll crowd my thoughts: what you’re doing, what you’re thinking, if you’re okay, if you’re eating your lunch and using your manners, if you're listening, if you miss me and your mom, if you're making friends, if you're happy or scared. Just thinking about it brings me to tears. I had six years to prepare for this moment and now with six days to go I realize you may be ready, but I'm not!

I am sitting here typing through tear filled eyes because I know where this road ends. A parent’s job is to raise children that make the world a better place, to be humans that we wish we could be more like, to fulfill their potential and exhaust their dreams. I will be your biggest cheerleader, no matter where your passions may lead and I will always be here when you need to come home. My heart will ache, it may even break, bursting with pride and love for you. Be patient with me.

We begin a new chapter. Your first day of kindergarten will be one of the hardest mornings of my life but you will never know this. I will not cry in front of you and I promise to keep my collapsing in a pool of snot and tears out of your line of sight.

Being a parent has been interesting, frightening, rewarding, and frustrating, sometimes all at once. I have not been shy to admit that from your very first breath in this world I was completely under your spell! You have been my princess. Some have told me that I'm spoiling you or that you're "privileged." I don't know anything about that. All I know is that people told me becoming a father would change my life forever and they were right! In fact they undersold it! You're my princess! I can count on one hand the things I've done right in my life and you're at the top of the list! I was a terrible athlete, and probably a worse student! I was an average teacher and I'm still trying to figure this principal thing out, but I really love being your dad!

It's why I don't mind wearing a princess crown or dancing in the living room! It's why I marvel at your gymnastics feats, am stunned you can remember the words to EVERY song you've EVER heard! And why I'll chase you up and down the street in dress shoes or flips flops to watch you ride you bike! I'm proud to be YOUR dad!

So I don't know if you're spoiled or what people mean by that, but, yes, your mother and I have tried our best to give you every advantage we could. Has the advantage worked? We have no way of knowing. But like so many parents of our generation, we tried to give you those “must-haves” the experts insisted on: Lots of books: Check. Minimal TV: Check. Early preschool: Check. [Mostly] Healthy meals: Check. Lots of activities: Check. Experiences and Inquiry based learning: Check. Exposure to the Arts: Check. Your whole life, you've had options and choices, a fortunate distinction from most of the rest of the world.

While we've given you advantages and can buy those school supplies and pack your lunch, you’ll have to go it alone, now. I think that's why I'm struggling so much. I won't be there when you fall down. I won't be able to nudge you on that math worksheet or pick you up when you fall playing kickball. It's all on you now.

That’s why as the days draw nearer to the start of school, I hope you'll continue to test the waters, ask questions, imitate imagined conversations, and continue to laugh and run and play.

You've always been just a step to the side of shy, cautious, watching and learning before jumping in. While that trait comes with some limitations, it also has its advantages. Just don't be too shy. It's okay to take risks. I know in my heart you can accomplish anything you desire, so go all in!

Once I expressed my own hesitations about you entering kindergarten to a teacher acquaintance. Her advice stuck with me: The hardest part of releasing you to elementary school — or any new experience — is realizing that I must give you up to the less-than-perfect world that awaits you.

She was right!

While the world has been and always will be imperfect, I too have been an imperfect parent. But I was always willing to learn, to say I was sorry, to try harder the next time. And now I’m willing, though it scares me to death, to release you, with the knowledge that school, like parenting, will be rewarding and frustrating and I cannot change that. Despite all those advantages of your early life, you will have sad days and lonely days and days when you just don’t want to go, when your teacher doesn't notice you or your best friend won’t play with you or another kid is mean to you.

If there are a few thoughts that carry you through, let them be this: While your mom and I have to let you go, no matter what you think or do or become we will always be there for you and listen. We'll be there to laugh and play and help when you need it.

So don't be afraid to dance or make new friends or take
chances. Just be yourself.

And know that in our imperfect world, with all my imperfect ways, I have been given you as a daughter. The most perfect gift one could hope for.

Love,

Dad

Thank You for being Vianney Teachers!

To the Vianney Faculty and Staff:

I want to personally thank you.

Thank you for being a teacher, more importantly a Vianney teacher and part of the St. John Vianney High School family. Three years ago I uprooted my family in great part because of the people in this building.  I never asked about our ACT scores, I never saw a curriculum map.  Questions about enrollment, facilities, and  budgets, NEVER came out of my mouth.  But the feeling of family was strong. From the moment I stepped on this campus in October 2011 I knew I wanted to be part of this special place.  I wanted to be a Griffin!

You welcomed me and treated me like family from day one!
That feeling of family permeated my body and sustained me on drives back to Springfield and consumed my thoughts in the months I waited to receive "the phone call".  YOU are what makes Vianney special.  You are its heart and soul!

You have personally, positively impacted me and my family. Lexi loves being the lone- "Vianney Cheerleader." God knows I love and appreciate the opportunity to work with my dad on a daily basis! As young adolescents we dream of growing up and making our parents proud.  To demonstrate that their efforts and sacrifices were not wasted on us.  I not only was allowed to full-fill my dreams because of my parents, but each and every day my father gets to see me LIVE my dream.  That's a pretty awesome feeling!  And more than that, Vianney brought us to St. Louis so Lexi can grow-up seeing her Paw-Paw whenever she wants!  You cannot put a price on that!

Thank you for being in the classroom, ready, prepared, and willing to serve.  For having the art and the science to develop men of character and accomplishment.

Thank you for your dedication and timeless efforts. Words like complacency and status quo are nonexistent at Vianney and that's because each of you will not allow such words to be spoken or actions to exist.

Thank you for recognizing each individual student is unique and learns differently and for creating differentiated classrooms that engage our students.

Thank you for encouraging our students to push a little more, lengthen their reach, give a little more effort! That is often tiring and tedious work that does not get headlines in the media.  But it is good, honorable, important work that will sustain our young men their entire lives!

Thank you for taking the time to teach life’s lessons and for using teachable moments! So often in this fast paced, standards driven world of education so many people and schools have forgotten that our students and our works are about so much more than test scores.  At Vianney we practice  holistic education.  That faith and family are equally as important as foundational courses in Algebra, English, and Biology.  You each understand the greater role we play in educating young men to be servant leaders, good husbands, great fathers, and leaders in their communities.


Thank you for helping our students to be balanced people.  Who are not just intellects who lose themselves in books, but productive humanitarians that see and aide in community and world problems.  Who are so level-headed that when they grow older they'll know to appreciate family, and faith, and freedom and NOT fret the small things.

Thank you for volunteering at the athletic events, Architecture night, All-Night Graduation, Open house, Auction set-up, Cocoa and Cram, and dozens of other school events. Thanks for attending our student's athletic competitions, their musical and theatrical performances, and supporting their causes when they Battle Cancer or try to help the less fortunate in Nairobi.  You're teaching them that this is NOT JUST a school, but a family.

Thank you for being part of their retreat experiences and for modeling your faith on a daily basis.  You are all such outstanding role-models for our young men!

Thank you for stretching yourself professionally, taking every stride in curriculum and evaluation changes so effortlessly.  I realize you work with a principal that has a lot of ideas and only one speed--FAST! Through curriculum mapping, brain-based research, and technological advances you have taken it all in stride.  I'm not naive.  I know it's been difficult at times, but I've also seen so many positive advancements in our students, our curriculum, and our student outcomes because of your efforts!

Thank you for reinforcing kindness and respect and teaching personal responsibility.

Thank you for allowing our young men to be unique personalities and not forcing conformity.

Thank you for cleaning the classroom, picking up trash in the halls,  and helping to keep our campus nice.

Thank you for letting our students know they are good enough and to believe in themselves. Thank you for teaching them that from here ANYTHING is possible if they're willing to work hard, apply all of themselves, and trust in God.

I could go on for days!  There is so much to Thank You for. Thank you for being the best faculty in Missouri. Thank you for being better than you need to be.  Thank you for making me the LEAST important person in the building.

But mostly, Thank you for inspiring the hearts, minds, and souls of tomorrow's leaders!
You inspire me!

Articulating "IT": The Special Olympics Track Meet '14

I'll ALWAYS remember the day.  It was January 18, 2011.  I was sitting in my office in Springfield, MO preparing to make the most exciting phone call of my professional career and also agonizing over what I would need to do once the call had concluded.

With confidence and enthusiasm, I placed the call and officially accepted the position of Principal at St. John Vianney High School in St. Louis! It was a pinnacle of  my career.  After an extensive six month nationwide search, Vianney selected me and I could not have been more elated to join the faculty/staff of the Golden Griffins.

The agonizing and excruciating part was to follow.  Having spent nearly a decade coaching and teaching at Springfield Catholic High School. After so many wonderful educators there helped me grow and progress and become the person and leader I was, I had to find the words to express my gratitude, my appreciation, and love for them. Saying "Yes" to Vianney was easy, but saying "Good-bye" to a community that had meant so much to me and my family would prove much more difficult.

Immediately upon my announcement the questions came rapidly, and were organized under the same theme, "Why?"

One would assume that having earned my doctoral degree from St. Louis University and having spent my classroom years teaching English that it would be easy for me to articulate this momentous career change. And yet I struggled to find the words.  They would not bounce off my tongue, my brain seemed scrambled and disconnected.  The best I could come up with was, "They have this thing," "It is a special place." "I felt welcome, like I was family."

I was so frustrated with myself.  This Springfield community deserved so much more!  A deeper explanation of why I was leaving. Certainly my heart felt much more for the place I was headed to and all I could say was "IT."
Wow! How articulate!  They must have thought I was a moron.  Many of them  looked at me with frustration. I know I saw disappointment in some of their eyes, confusion in others.

He said, "It" they whispered.

Three years later the feeling of "IT" still permeates my body!  Each day my love and affection for Vianney's "IT" grows stronger and stronger.  Even if my mouth and vocabulary still struggles to articulate exactly what "It" is.

Today was another (in a long list) of living moments where 'IT" was present at Vianney.  We hosted our 12th Annual Special Olympics Track Meet.  Our school went out of it's way to put on one of the most remarkable acts of selfless charity that I've ever witnessed.  More than 150 special-athletes stormed our campus and partnered with more than 150 of our Golden Griffin students and from the second they arrived, the magic happened.

As an outsider who came to Vianey three years ago I saw in the eyes of the Special Olympic athletes exactly what I had felt three years earlier.  They saw "IT."  For some, "IT" was in the form of a smile on the face of one of our Vianney students.  Others saw "IT" in the energy and enthusiasm of teachers, Charlie Walsh, Paul, Rhame, and Bob Trowbridge who have been running this track meet for years!  During some moments you actually had to wonder who were the students and who were the teachers as Charlie, Paul, and Bob beamed with pride, let out full-laughs, and shook hands and greeted every student that crossed their path.

Watching our students interact with the special-athletes was a priceless memory that would make any school administrator boast with pride and secretly shed a tear of joy.  Our students were AMAZING!  They were placed in difficult situations that would make most teenagers uncomfortable, frightened, and resistant.  If they were any of those things they never showed a crack in their armor.  For one day they welcomed the special-athletes to our campus and treated them like they were life-long classmates, like they were family.  In their words and their actions they expressed that today, EVERYBODY was a Golden Griffin!

And that's when it struck me. If you were an outsider and wanted to visit Vianney for one day to witness what "It" is, what makes our school so special and unlike any other, all you would have to do is arrive for our Special Olympic Track meet.  Here you would learn everything about our miraculous students, faculty, and staff.  Foolishly I used to think this event was about our visitors with special needs and the learning experience they would get while visiting. Little did I realize, this day was about so much more.  The real winners on this day were our students.  Their opportunity to witness and serve others.  Their opportunity to demonstrate to the community everything they have learned at Vianney.  They are practically unsupervised as they lead these special athletes through event after event, and each one of them terrifically displayed exactly what it means to be a Griffin.  Their attitudes of servant leadership, their displays of character, their friendliness, patience, charm, and respect for others proves they not only are learning here, but LIVING our mission.

In one day, a few hours, I was able to see , AGAIN, what my words still struggle to articulate. So since my words still escape me, here's a quote from author, Jon Gordon that articulates more about Vianney's faculty, staff, students and community far better than I ever could: "When YOUR work is about OTHERS and NOT about YOU it becomes a Movement."

We have a special "IT" in our Catholic, Marianist school.  An "IT" that has survived 54 years of tradition.  I'm fortunate to be part of "IT" and look forward to developing men of character and accomplishment for many more years to come.

^{MPE—the roadmap for life}

 ^“Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten.” 

B. F. Skinner

Before there was GPS, there was MPE.
MPE was similar to GPS in that it provided instruction, guidance, and helped me make sure I got where I was going in life. It was different in that it is required no technology.  It did not come out with a new operating system every six months, and an operation manual was not required.

No, MPE—”My Parents’ Expectations”—focuses entirely on providing a foundation that will guarantee achievement in every area of a child’s life; these expectations include, but are not limited to, education.

Often, MPE statements are clichés that, once recycled into the lives of the young, become the tenets, along with those of their Catholic faith, that undergird their lives. Such was the case with me.

For example, ^“Can’t never could do anything,^” was my father’s MPE response every time my siblings or I whined—usually any time something was, or even gave the appearance that it might be, a little difficult.

^“Now, get busy” always concluded his Can’t declaration. Long before I understood the logic of the first part, the ^“get busy” directive was ingrained in me as habit.

 In this way, my father’s use of MPE developed independence ­and the ability to self-start in me. My father’s MPE was so powerful that Nike and Phil Knight recycled the cliché years later—with­out even bothering to gain his  permission—and adopted it as their “Just Do It” slogan.

Then, there was the “Do your best, work hard, and you can achieve anything you want” MPE mantra in our home. No one was excused from working hard or giving less than his or her very best effort at all times. From experience, my parents knew that adolescence was the training ground for life, so we had chores at home, part-time and summer jobs at an early age, and hordes of extracurricular activities in which to participate. My parents understood how easily society allows individuals to settle for the least that life has to offer; they had shunned the perfect opportunity to do so, and they pushed us to do the same.

My parents didn’t just teach this MPE; they lived it. My father has worked hard his entire life to provide for our family.  He is the definition of a “self-made” man.  Likewise my mother has followed her own MPE, sought her own development, and without ever attending college became the vice-president of a mortgage company.

They both are shining examples of hard work and model parents. At any point during their nearly 40 year marriage they could have easily justified providing the minimum for their children. Instead, my father spent many years working 50 or more hours each week, combining full and part-time jobs to make ends meet to provide for us. While doing so, he never missed a ballgame or other important event in any of our lives. He found the time, somehow, not only to carry us on amusement park trips and tell us stories about his youth, but also to share his dreams, which inspired us to dream, too. At home, my parents constantly read and played games with us, helped us with our homework, and made sure, though money was sometimes scarce, that we got those ^“little ex­tras^” we craved at least once in a while. Their MPE modeling taught us that no adversity in life had to define us if we didn't allow it to do so. We could choose our perspective and our reaction to other people^’s perspectives—we alone were responsible for the outcomes of our own lives, not anyone else.

Lastly, the MPE ^“Get an education^” refrain was so often repeated that I was well into school (1/2 way through my doctoral program) before I realized that the three words could be used separately in a sentence. Ahead of their time in their advocacy for higher edu­cation, my parents promoted college not as an option for me, but as the only op­tion. My parents stressed education as the road to all the opportunities that they wanted for us and that we would eventually want for ourselves. While my siblings and I all attained dif­ferent levels of formal education, each of us continues to grow and use education to achieve what we desire in life.

Only with age and the passing years have I truly realized the gift that my parents were to their children or the gifts that they gave to me in the form of MPE statements. Only in retrospect have I understood that MPE wasn't just about values, discipline, succeeding in life, and expectations; MPE was a gift of love—a love that cared enough to hold itself responsible for not only teaching life lessons, but holding me accountable when I gave excuses instead of my best. So as the school year quickly ends and you begin to think about next year’s classes and students, maybe you’ll also roll out some of your own MPE’s in your classroom next year too. For those students who haven’t been exposed to the MPE, it might make all the difference in the GPA’s.